Why you should not read Pirandello in the middle of your early adult life crisis.

 

*Because I miss doing this, this blog will also be dedicated to my early morning thoughts and occasionally planned writings. Brace yourselves, they’re not always cute.*

All my life, I’ve had this fantasy of being someone’s muse. It’s probably why I’ve only ever loved troubled artists. The people I’ve cared most deeply about have always had some creative outlet I hoped to influence. Music, poetry, film…

It comes from a need to immortalize myself. Life is so fleeting, so short, so….insignificant in the grand scheme of things, or at least most times it feels that way, that I just want to make sure I live forever and what better way to do it than through art?

Why are we here and what is the point when we find out? Are we just living happy lives in Accra, going to concerts, meeting amazing people, traveling to Amsterdam on a whim to see Nneka (EasyJet, please hook me up) while on the other side of the world, or even two streets down from us people die, never to be remembered, sometimes even unnamed?

Are we just going through motions, performing the art of a conditioned reality, doing our duty to our family, being good to our friends, ruining our love lives and telling ourselves it doesn’t matter, hoping to find someone to grow old with but never really admitting it, finding ways to express ourselves that feel true, making up scandalous tweets so the RTs make us feel like our voice can be made out in the sea of other people crying and hungering to be heard?

In an almost unhealthy way, I’m obsessed with immortality. You know how the boy in the Fault in Our Stars wants to be remembered? That’s how I feel. And most days I’m so paralyzed by the fear of never meaning anything that I can’t do anything, which of course is counter intuitive, but I’m human. Look at my imperfections in awe.

I want to live forever. Not just be a humble girl from Akyem Tafo with the most incredible mother on the planet, I love you so much Ma, who saw some of the world and only kept getting more and more confused as time went on.

I want to live forever.